It's all in the leather.

Dear Ear Specialist,

I know that certain smells can sometimes be associated with a certain person, a memory, a place, etc…

But can sounds do that too? And especially with something you've never had? I was thinking about that today. For instance, whenever I hear the sound of my jingling belt buckle as the leather strap slides through the pants loop, I imagine that must be what a one-night stand must sound like. For this reason, and because I am so anti one-night standers, I own one standard, black leather Etienne Aigner belt that I use on such rare occasions such as holding my pants up lest I show my string thong strap to the world.

But it's not just the belt strap thing.

The sound of a picture coming out of a Polaroid camera makes me think of the early 90s.

A closing file cabinet makes me think of the principal's office. And I haven't been to the principal's office since ten years ago, getting put on social with Derek.

That beeping sound when heavy machineries are backing out of a parking spot, makes me think of severely obese people.

(That's wrong, isn't it?)

The ding of the oven timer makes me imagine that that must be the sound that moms hear right before their water breaks before giving birth.

And it's not just that.

The sound of Christmas is the sliding sheets of wrapping paper.

Payday and apple turnovers is the barcode reader beep at the grocery store.

The shut of a flip cell phone is the world's saddest breakup.

Sounds of people dry heaving is one too many black and tans.

That incessant bass in car stereos is what I imagine insanity must sound like.

So I was wondering, if maybe you could give me some kind of a medical diagnosis. And while you're at it, medicate me if need be. Cause everytime I hear the shut of a luxury car door, I think some guys in black suits and secret headseats are about to kidnap me and put me in someone's trunk.

Oh. And the belt sound. What should I do about that?

Sincerely,
Girl in need of dispensing the leather.